Uselessness

In a social context, to call a person 'useless' is one of the gravest insults, because usefulness is a fundamental requirement of a social collective. Why must we be useful? One of the most destructive concepts that we grow up to believe is:

'it's more important to be useful than it is to be yourself'.

For a child growing up, it's incredibly confusing and often deeply disappointing when on the one hand, they are told to be themselves, but on the other hand, they are told that they must be what society wants them to be; that society has a menu - a set range of options - from which they must choose a paint-by-numbers persona; that they must craft themselves into a useful cog in the social wheel in order to belong, to contribute, to survive. Their natural drive to be themselves is stopped in its tracks. Up until this point, the child, who has appeared to be the naive innocent, has in fact had a far greater grasp of what it is to express self than their adult compatriots, but now society tells them they must drop this in order to 'grow up'.

The social menu contains choices that reflect only an extremely narrow idea of what it means to express self. The child is coaxed into squeezing their own expanding idea of self into one or other of the choices provided, and then begins to forget; to dismiss the joyful potential of genuine self expression as the foolish dream of a naive child.

And so in the social context we've cast in stone our idea of exactly how each individual must contribute in order to be a person of 'worth'; in order to be useful. This is how the definition of usefulness has become a yoke around the neck of each person.

If we are to think for ourselves, we must first become 'useless' in the social sense. We must drop the need to live through somebody else's values, and find our own. The book 'The Willing Misfit' examines in depth how we might achieve this. Download the free ebook 'The Willing Misfit' at:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/137307

The Voice of Integrity

It can take some time to get used to distinguishing between the internal voice of your integrity, and the external influences that have helped you make your choices throughout your life. Sometimes the voice has been muted for so long that it has become an unconscious habit to ignore it - for example, the voice that says 'I’m damaging myself with these cigarettes', or 'the long hours I work prevent me from spending time with my children', has become an unwelcome and inconvenient intrusion, gradually pushed down and down till it's merely a dull, guilty throb somewhere in your mind.

It can be a lengthy process. Give yourself plenty of time and take it day by day, minute by minute. Stay present and pay attention. Watch your own reaction to each situation as it arises, and don't be disappointed if you think you've reacted in a way that doesn't represent your integrity - give yourself credit for recognizing it! It'll be much easier to identify the voice next time a similar situation arises. Every realization, no matter how small it seems, is an expansion of your awareness - it ALL helps!

If you're confused about the way you react, take a moment and picture the healthiest, most generous way you could relate to the situation. This can be your example to work from next time you meet a similar challenge, or as you feel more and more able to align yourself the idea of your expanded self.

If that still doesn't cut it, you're probably in a situation that requires you to weigh up your own needs with those of another. Be honest with yourself about your needs. If you genuinely think they’ll be compromised should you act according to the other person's wishes, put your needs first.

Look at the way you’re relating to the situation at hand. It might be difficult, but be ready to recognize your own attitudes as being the cause of your discomfort. Often it’s tempting to make yourself out as the victim of the situation, but do you really want to hand the responsibility for how you’re feeling over to someone else? You don’t really need to disempower yourself in this way. How are you responding? How can you change your attitude so that you’re not at the mercy of circumstances?

Do all you can to simplify your life. This is fundamental. It makes it much easier to bring honesty to everything you do.

Be honest with yourself. Communicate. Stay authentic; keep your intentions genuine.

You have all the time in the world, and all the latitude to make as many mistakes as you need to make. You can always reassess and do things differently next time, and any loss you experience as a result of your mistakes was excess to your needs anyway.

Download the free ebook 'The Willing Misfit' at:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/137307

The Hole

The benefit of operating through a social framework is the convenience of a ready-made life-plan, but the price is the denial of your true individuality. It's become habitual, second nature, to smash down the person you really are, in order to exist in the collective: to *fit*.

The wound this causes deep inside expresses itself as a hole - an emptiness inside - which you constantly look for ways to fill. This hole is the prime aspect that defines human beings as we know them today.

The way you relate to other people, to your work, to material possessions; each is motivated by a need to fill up the hole. To feel more complete. Existence itself becomes a chase, a constant effort to have, to draw in, to trap, to gain. And though you sense on some level that the hole will never be filled by any external influence, you relish the temporary fullness you feel as a result, and continue the chase.

When we make a wholehearted decision to be the most honest, authentic version of ourselves that we can be, we begin a process of filling up the hole from the *inside*: for the only way to effect such a change is from the inside.

Download the free ebook 'The Willing Misfit' at:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/137307

Defining 'Self'

When you define what it is you most want to do with your day, and then do it, you open the way to who you are, but you can't define *you* by that activity, and at the same time retain the freedom of spontaneity that is essential to selfhood. The moment you associate a consistent activity with your identity, you lock down your idea of self. You become unwilling to change, and therefore unable to grow.

What is the Self, Really? A social idea of 'self' is based on ‘what we do for a living'. Let's be clear that this is a social idea; an effort from an external perspective to classify us. The assumption is that we each must have a function in order to fit in to the social framework, and that the role defines who we are. We each of us have to drop this assumption before we can be our true selves.

How then do I define myself? If I’m not defined by my function, what distinguishes me as an individual? The unique weave that represents who you are is far more subtle than a crude social definition. You have certain combinations of strength and perception that you may or may not be aware of, like an array of flavours that give you your unique essence. As you live through your integrity, these flavours will guide your action and imbue everything you do... And as you interact, the nature of the essence will be continually changing; updating and expanding. You will not be the same you from the dawn to dusk of a single day.

Download the free ebook 'The Willing Misfit' at:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/137307

Strength and Weakness

In general, our idea of what it is to be strong; to be weak, is way off-beam.
We see a person with a stiff, unfeeling mask, another who works hard at the expense of all else in life, another who fights and destroys, and we afford a definition of strength, of bravery.

A person who finds themselves greatly challenged might switch off their feelings so they can achieve what it is they feel they need to achieve. This is a kind of strength. But a person who remains in touch with their feelings has a far greater strength. And by definition, they must have great courage to remain sensitive, feeling, in spite of the pain that can bring.

A 'cultured reserve' is how we describe what is considered to be a positive character trait in the social context. The trait may have been arrived at through cultural values, by life experiences or both, but whichever way you look at it, it is a limiting, weakening factor to be reserved, to be aloof; disconnected from others. To remain open - as open as you might with a close friend or even a lover - towards the people you meet in any circumstances, is evidence of real strength.

Download the free ebook 'The Willing Misfit' at:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/137307

Taking the Plunge

So you've tasted, glimpsed a snapshot moment of your *self* in its most gloriously healthy, honest state; and now you feel motivated to *be* that person - the best version of you that you can imagine - in your everyday waking life.

Taking the plunge, going in to the challenge of selfhood, it can seem like the choices you have to make are way too hard; the stakes way too high. So many aspects of your life that you are emotionally and perhaps financially invested in are on the line.

Let's cut to the chase: You can't go wrong. That's primarily what I want to say - you cannot go wrong. At times it will certainly feel like you are going wrong, but stay open, and stay on the path dictated by your honesty... and some way down the track you'll see it was right after all.

The essential point is this: if you act with integrity, you will only lose those things that are not important. *If* you act with integrity.

Once you’ve thrown yourself into the raging stream, as it were, you often feel raw, but the rawness keeps you in touch with your integrity, so you are more likely to act from it. Stay as present as you can. Listen to, and watch everything, especially yourself.

- Download the free ebook 'The Willing Misfit' at:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/137307

Belief

Belief Versus Question

Put simply, belief is the suppression of question. Look at that again:

Belief is the suppression of question.

This single sentence throws a big spanner in the works. Belief is such a huge part of our daily lives, and one tiny sentence can show how much we are deceiving ourselves - for when we suppress question in favour of belief, we choose irrational faith in place of reason; we invest in a part of the picture and ignore the rest.

This goes for believing anything - from the claims of a 30-second television commercial, to a 2000-year-old established religion.

To *disbelieve*, however, would also be self-deception. Cynicism and its cousins doubt and scepticism are expectations that things are not true; disbelief is still a belief, but this time a belief in the negative. Question is neutral: to be unsure, to accept the possibility that something might, or might not be true. Is it so harmful to remain honest and unsure?

The honest-thinker looks dispassionately at everything on offer, and gives interim credence to whatever seems to makes sense. An on-going allegiance to some idea or other without constant re-appraisal is crude, dishonest thinking, for the world is changing; expanding every moment, and if we are to continue growing and expanding too, we must use our intelligence to reassess our ideas on a regular basis.

Certainly, this constant questioning is less convenient than belief, but it's essential to honest thinking. And ultimately, rather than making things more difficult, honesty simplifies life. As you believe less, the busying aspects of those beliefs drop away too.

- Download 'The Willing Misfit' for free, at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/137307